Day 1 Start Over

I'm going to start over. We're fighting again. We don't seem to have patience for one another and we don't seem to be understanding one another.

I was trying so hard last night to talk reasonably, hear her side and explain my side. Why can I never have a side? Does what I think not matter? Is there only one point of view and it is hers?

She says that she cannot communicate with me because I only defend myself and tell her she's wrong. But it is typically telling me what I did, rather than explaining how she feels. So if I did something, it feels natural to me to try to explain why. I want her to understand me, why I do things, how I think. How do I do that if she thinks I'm not listening to what she's saying and thinks I'm just trying to be right?

We made rules at the end of the love dare which included not going to bed angry, not threatening divorce, and not fighting in front of the children. I was trying to talk to Sas last night. Am I just defending myself again if I say my point fo view here? I guess not since she probably won't be reading this. But I was trying to talk to get through the misunderstanding. She continued to yell and scream at me. She threatened to be done with me as well (inferring that she would leave me or kick me out or divorce me or something). Do I deserve this treatment, this punishment? I continued to try to resolve issues and get through it before we went to bed. I'm not great at this and probably made it worse. I got no where and felt I was the only one trying to make amends.

I love Sas unconditionally. I just hope that she remembers what we went through and try to love me unconditionally as well. I am extremely discouraged and disappointed. I feel that we went through this love dar last time to get me to change and treat her like a princess while not seeing any possible room for improvement within herself. Maybe I don't see it. But I'll be paying more attention and try to see and applaud her actions.

just sad today.

Day 1 again.

Do not do or say anything negative to your spouse.

Let's see how this goes this time. I'm doing it on my own. We'll see if she notices.

Recent Days

Things have been pretty good lately. I think we understand each other better by going through this love dare. We're trying not to get upset at each other and understand one another instead of making a judgement.

Day 23 - Hinderences

Love Dare - Day 23
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
I Corinthians 13:7

Are there things stealing affections or turning my heart from my spouse? I'm not perfect by any means, but I really don't think there is anything that is basically distracting me from her. There's no other women, addictions, or obsessions that make me less interested in her.

When we argue frequently, I build up walls of anger and stubborness. When these are present, I am very distant from Sas. This along with learning true patience are the biggest things coming between us on my side. I am trying.

Recent Days

Somedays I just feel like I'm a failure. Saturday was one of those days. Hopefully at some point I can figure out how to do things right.

Days 16-18

I've been slacking a little in updating this blog. I most often am able to update it when at work and have not had as much time lately. Hopefully I can take more time to keep it up so that it does not become forgotten.

Love Dare - Day 18
Prepare a special dinner at home and focus this time on getting to know your spouse better.
Proverbs 3:13

Tonight we plan to have a late dinner after the kids go so bed. It's a Friday night, no school tomorrow, so it might be late. I think it will be worth waiting because I'd like to go over some of the questions that are in the book's appendix. Maybe we can learn from each other. I think if we approach this in a good way with a positive attitude, it could be fun.

The chapter talks about how when we were dating we were trying to find out so much about each other, investing time and energy into learning everything we could about the other. I remember we used to talk on the phone for a long time when we didn't live together. Then when we started living together, we stopped talking to each other as in depth. I've said sometimes when we were having disagreements that it would be easier for me to talk to her on the phone than in person. I think I have some sort of issue there where it's more difficult talking to someone in person. I've tried to be better at talking to Sas lately and hopefully can continue.



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Love Dare - Day 17
Determine to guard your mate's secrets and pray for them.
Proverbs 17:9

There have been times when Sas has tried to tell me things about her day and I immediately try to solve the problem. That's what I'm here for, right? No, sometimes I just need to be there to let her vent on some things or share some things. I need to remember that. I also need to learn to not make fun or try to make jokes at innapropriate times. Hopefully with these two things, Sas will be more comfortable in sharing things with me. I hate to think that sometimes she feels she can't say anything to me because I'll either get angry, overexaggerate, or make fun. I feel so rude knowing that I have done that and hope to show her the respect, honor, and trust that she deserves.

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Love Dare - Day 16
Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

I'm not much of a prayer, but Sas is so I will pray for her and for us. I pray that Sas smiles more and gets more joy out of every day. I sometimes worry that she gets too caught up in all of the stuff that has to get done. I pray that Sas is able to give a little on her stubbornness and try to not hold grudges. Finally, I pray that she trusts me to talk to me and understand that I will always be there for her.

For our marriage, I pray that we practice patience and be slow to anger. I pray that we attempt to understand one another rather than be quick to jump to an assumption.

Day 15 - Honor

First, yesterday's day was to set aside some time for your spouse different from the norm what is done. Sas had made mention that she had something in mind. I thought I had her figured out, so as soon as the kids went to bed, I grabbed towels and our bathing suits for us to go into the hottub. It was nice sitting in the relaxing hottub talking. Very nice.

Then later we watched tv and had some very nice time together. It was a great evening together. I felt loved by the time we spent together.

Love Dare - Day 15
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.
I Peter 3:7

Today's dare will be difficult to show honor and respect as we will not see each other. She has something after school. I have my class starting tonight and will get home around 11pm, so she'll be asleep. Maybe I will substitute an email or call to her later.

The chapter talks about honoring our spouse and treating them holy. I think I could use some development here to be sure to always put my best effort for her.

Days 12-14 Rules, Time, Stubbornness

Love Dare - Day 14
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.
Ecclesiastes 9:9

I'm not sure what we'll do here today as most time when we are not working, we are together. It's just that we're always doing some sort of chore! I'll have to see what I can do.


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Love Dare - Day 13
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement and resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Mark 3:25

Sas typed up the default rules from the book when I was at our daughter's softball game. I later realized that this was a moment I could have handled better and exercised some of the advise from this book. However, at the time, I accused her of taking over and doing it herself, complaining that we were supposed to do it together. This pretty much ruined the conversation for the rest of the day. When I thought about it afterwards, I knew taht I should have looked at it as a time when she thought of me when I wasn't there. She thought of me and did something for me without me asking and I should have appreciated it more.

I also shared with her some insecurity that I have. Before I thought it was that I felt unloved, but I do know that she loves me. So I think that for some reason, I just don't feel special. I don't know why, but I need to think differently I guess.


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Love Dare - Day 12
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.
Philippians 2:4

Our disagreement was the wording of what the dare was for the day! We actually didn't argue, I just thought it was to willingly agree with your spouse on something. I was wrong so I gave in to her. But it wasn't a normal disagreement.

The chapter discusses stubbornness. I think I always had quick temper where we'd fight because I would over-react, say stupid stuff, and/or exaggerate. I'd say something in a mean tone. But I always used to give in and beg forgiveness. Recently, or for the past couple years I have no idea - I've been much more stubborn. When we fight, I don't want to give in anymore. Ever. If none of our disagreements is her fault and they're all mine, that just can't be right. My thought was that I was going to increase my wall and be even more stubborn so that she would have to give in first sometimes. But this didn't make things better, it only made arguments worse. Hopefully I can not only reduce my quick words, quick anger, but also reduce my stubbornness.