Group Therapy

We replace this section normally reserved for today's Love Dare with a trip to women's group therapy...

A woman walks into the group therap session already in progress. "Hello, I was wondering if I should be in here?"

There are 6 people sitting in a circle, all women except for one man in a tie with a clipboard. He says, "I am Dr. Doctor. This therapy session is for women who are having trouble with their husbands. We allow each other to talk about the issues each woman has with their husband and lend support to one another. I'll let each woman here introduce themself."

The woman to the doctor's left is the first to speak. "I'm Lady A. My prick husband cheated on me. I'm going to tear off his balls and feed them to my rottweiler. Did your guy cheat on you too? I can add his junk for Sparky's dessert."

"Um, no," says the woman. "My husband did not cheat on me."

The next woman then speaks up. "I'm Lady B. My my my husband hurts me. He beats me. I have to wear these dark glasses to cover my eyes. Does your husband hit you too? It's ok, you can tell this group. We're here for each other. Lady A is here for me. She's going to let me borrow her rottweiler."

"Um, no," says the woman. "My husband does not beat me."

Lady C then stands up and says, "I bet he's like my S.O.B. He thinks that women belong in the kitchen cooking, or cleaning the house, or lying on the bed with their feet in the air at all times. He won't let me work and expects me to wait on him hand and foot at all times. He's such a chauvinistic bastard! I'm thinking of getting my OWN rottweiler."

"Wow, you all are pretty open with how you feel. But, no, my husband treats me and other women with respect."

Lady D takes her turn introducing herself. "Honey, I can see from the expression on your face that man's just not satisfying you. That's why I'm here. I'm thinking maybe I'll see if the good doctor here will "cure" me after the meeting. Is that your problem, sweetie?"

"Well, um, wow, that's really personal. But, no I'd say he satisfies me when I let him. He'd satisfy me all of the time if it were up to him. I don't have that much interest in that stuff. No, that's not it."

Lady E is the last woman yet to speak. "My husband is a good man, but he just never lifts a finger around the house. All he does is watch sports and drink beer. I'm exhausted! I have to change all the diapers, make all the meals, do all the laundry, clean the toilets. I just wish he would help sometimes." The woman sits back down, a little teary eyed and apparently ready to fall asleep.

The doctor looks at the new woman and says, "Is it anything like that with your husband, Ma'am?"

"No. My husband dusts, cleans, does dishes, helps with laundry, is a great father, and a lot of other things. It's just -"

"Wait a darn minute, honey," says Lady D. "This man doesn't cheat, doesn't abuse, isn't a pig, apparently pretty satisfying, is a good father, and does a lot of chores around the house? What's his phone number again?"

"Now, Lady, D, please. Let's hear what the young lady has to say. We're not here to criticize one another, were here to support," says the doctor. "Go on, ma'am."

"Well, this morning he really upset me."

"Go on, go on. What did he do?"

"We were doing our Saturday morning chores, as we always do. He had just finished brushing the cat and the dog and vacuuming the downstairs. His parents were coming over in a couple of hours so we had to work fast. I was cleaning the bathroom downstairs and had finished with the toilet. So I put the toilet stuff in the hallway to bring upstairs and started to clean the mirror."

"Ok, I see. Did he interrupt you while you were cleaning? Did he try to get fresh? Did he stop helping and start watching TV?"

"No, I wasn't paying attention, but when I came out of the bathroom, the toilet stuff was gone. I went upstairs to find him -"

"OH, I know," said Lady E. "Did he have his hands full?"

"Ew, no," says the woman. "He was clenaing the upstairs toilet!! Can you believe the nerve!!!"

All five ladies and the doctor just stared at the woman in disbelief. The doctor is the first to speak. "Excuse me ma'am, this is a serious group. Please do not make jokes like that. Is there something more?"

"Well, I was going to do it! I asked him what he was doing and he said, "I'm sure you don't enjoy cleaning toilets so I thought I'd help. He just took over cleaning the bathroom on me. I was so upset. Then my daughter asked me for something for the second time so I yelled at her and told her to go away. Next thing I know my husband is telling me to lighten up! Well, my head was in the dryer because I was doing some laundry so I asked him what he did in the bathroom. He just ignored me. And you know what he did next! I'll tell you. He took a pair of his pants, THAT I JUST FOLDED AND PUT THEM AWAY!! After then he grabbed a couple of his undershirts and DID THE SAME THING!!!! I was in the middle of laundry and he comes in and takes OVER just like he did with the bathroom! Oh, Lady A, if I only had your rottweiler at that exact moment."

"I think we must be missing something," says the doctor.

Lady B then says, "Was he using the cat to clean the toilet? Mr. B did that at our house. I tried to stop him, but he threatened to use the dog next. I don't have a rottweiler like Lady A, I have a cute little poodle. I just couldn't let him do that to Fluffles!"

"No, he didn't use the cat to clean the toilet. Maybe I should leave."

"No, no," says the doctor. "Tell us more. Surely there is something else."

"Well, he also wrote all about this in a blog on the internet."

"There we go, have a seat. Please, tell us your name."

"My name is Sas."